Speaker 02: 0:00

Hi, and welcome to Bind the Paddle Podcast. I am Paulson Victoria. And I am Emily Sim. Yeah. And this is is this our Christmas special basically? Our very extra special Christmas episode that's coming to you after Christmas, but not by a lot. And I feel like people will be busy over the actual Christmas period. So getting released what Boxing Day? The day after Boxing Day. After Boxing Day. So you'll still be relaxing. You know, you'll be fine. Absolutely fine. So yeah, what are we going to do today? So we've got a couple of things planned. I thought we've we've had quite a few serious topics we've covered recently. So let's do something fun and Christmas themed. Um so to start off, we're gonna do some fuck Mary Kills. Yeah, because that's always fun. This is really where we get to know each other. It's gonna be funny if we just have all the same answers for everything. I can see that happening to be honest, but I guess we'll find out. Um so our first list is Santa, just gen generic Santa. Generic Santa. Krampus and Mrs. Claus. Right, okay. Well, it's simple. Marry Krampus. Yeah. You get to fuck him like every day. Exactly. At least every other day. It'll be fine. He's also like I was gonna say he's nose busy, but he's also busy at Christmas. Well, that's fine. That's fine. He's got the canes and that though, so you know. Yeah, we know he's kind of spooky faces. He's sticking some boxes that I feel like Santa's maybe not gonna be up. Santa's too innocent. Santa's on the nice list. Krampus is on like well, Krampus is technically on the nice No, Krampus is on the naughty list because he captures all of the naughty goods. Yeah. But is it in doing so is he not doing good? Exactly. But this is the whole Satan thing all over again. Like it's the same argument. Like, is Satan no good? Because he's like punishing the bad? Yeah. But people don't see it like that.

Speaker 01: 2:02

But God apparently punishes in everything.

Speaker 02: 2:07

Like, oh god, why the tsunami? Like Yeah. That's how I see it. I love how we've gotten to the God chart already, it's great. I know Santa God. Yeah. I just wonder if Krampus gets viewed the same. Do you know? Because it's not that traditional here because it's in like Norway and stuff, isn't it? Yeah. Whereas here it's been adapted to really hot guy. Is that just captures? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Have you not seen those TikTok videos? I have seen those TikTok videos, but they've not like they've not changed how he looks, is what I mean. I'd uh like they've not turned him into this pure like just normal guy. Oh yeah, he's a monster. I've I've I've probably got one of his cocks upstairs. Like when we were having a look earlier at characters, there was like the Sackman, which was like kind of like the European version of Krampus, but he's like an actual boy. Like he was supposed to just be really ugly, but he's not like a creature, he's just the sack man. Nah. And he like takes the naughty kids in the sack. Yeah, so Sachman. Yeah. I love how you say that. Sachman. The Sachman. Like, so nah, the Sachman's not even a little bit of a big thing. No, we'll put him there. We'll put him away. No, I love Krampus. He didn't make the lessons. Tongue, Krampus. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And he can stay down there. All year. Yeah. You've got a lot of lessons to learn. Oh, I'm sure he's learnt them. Oh, maybe you, like, because that's part of the punishment in this scenario. Punishment. Well, he's kidnapped you. He's took to his grotto. And then you've beauty and the beast, and the news are married. Yes. But he's not turned into some little ugly boy then. I know, right? So fucking sad. It's so sad. I've still rage. Still rage. James or something, his name was. It's like the worst name ever. Yeah, because Aurora's is uh Philip. Philip? Yeah. Oh, like the guy. Yeah. Her prince. She's got Prince Philip. Oh. Yeah. Exciting. That's such a sexy. I mean it's Ne Krampus. That's a rose of the tongue. Krampus. Oh, oh my god. That'd be so good as a porno. I feel like that's a good thing. That's gonna be my mystery now. If you find it, send it to me. Uh I would probably if Mrs. Claws goes like uh the different way, so like if she likes me, then I'd probably just kill Santa. Yeah, kill her husband and then fuck her. Yeah. Fair. Do it that way. Yeah. Probably be the best fuck, to be fair. Like just that sad just lost your husband. Not in that way. I mean because he's just a straight male. Not like a depression fuck. Jesus Christ. I know you're in mourning, but come on, let's go to pound time. Some game of thrones are shit that. Like Yes. No, that that'd be fine. That'd be fine. So that's my pecs. Yeah. I mean, I'm the exact same. I feel like I'm just if we're if they're the same, I'm happy just like discussing it. Yeah, I think I'd show Mrs. Claws a good time. Yeah. I feel like she's been cooped up there for years. She's gonna be like pure repressive. He only empties the sack once a year. Like come on. We could be her like sexual revolution. Oh maybe. He at least gets hooked. Like he's been over the world, you know. I feel like she needs to experience. Teach us some stuff though, if he's been like everywhere. Right before we kill him, we'll interrogate him. Yeah. And he'll tell us everything. Oh god. No. No, I was just talking. Just generally. What what would you ask him? What would you want to know? Just like what have you done before? Just like a bit's life. Yeah. Just like, have you done any financially sexual? Because you've gotten a little bit more. Oh, so a bit of sexual life. Oh yeah, when you're sexual. Just like, oh did you ha did you enjoy China or something? Like it'd be like, have you ever gone down on her? And then it would be more into like i if he says no, I'd be like, Well the fuck. Why? Humiliate him. And then kill him. Yeah. Yeah. At some point, yeah, torture him. Oh, that'd be good. I love we were just a shipment they have no sex life. They're too wholesome. I don't know. Could you imagine a Santa's BDSM dungeon? Imagine they were swingers. We like other elves. When he comes, that's what he says. Come, come, come. He just lets us see everyone in threes. He's got OCD.

Speaker 01: 7:27

Yeah.

Speaker 02: 7:28

No, that that's what OCD is actually like in real life, but you know, like the dramatized version of it on the TV. He has to turn her knobs three times as well. A tetra. My brain goes nepnops. And they're like, oh, I fucking hate it. I love that word. I think it's you I've heard it very recently. You do your nip knobs being touched, Mrs. Claws. It's just so unsexy. Like, I can't imagine like that being said like seriously. Can you be nepnops? Can you imagine if I was to have a client? And maybe just like let me touch your nipping noppeties. I feel like you could definitely use that in like a humiliation scene. Like looks as a little pathetic nipnops. I love how serious your face colour. I feel like I would crack up if I tried that. I got so into it. He just total switched. I was like, Work mode. See, I I'm I'm filming with a sub tomorrow. Uh-huh. I reckon I can do that. Yeah. See that's why this is useful. It's bringing your ideas for sessions. I released a video and like mid-wank, somebody's wanking off of the video, and they just say, That's it. Those little fucking nippity knobs. Play with them. Play with the little nippity knobs. Twist them. But yeah, I'd interrogate Santa. Maybe waterboarding. Like proper, like go for it interrogation. Tell me all these things. Melt some of the snow of his house. Just to like add an extra layer. There's so much more in this in the mate. I'm just like, cut his dick off. I meant for the waterboarding. Just there was like an extra layer in it. Like an icicle or something. It would melt. Yeah, yeah. I saw that in Dexter. That was really good. I feel like in this instance, because this is like a mythical creature. Did he's gonna find the body to go into smoke or something? But it'll be like on the films, like his coat will be left behind and you have to put it on then you can be Santa and just shag Krampus forever. Because does he I take it Santa lives forever? I believe he would live forever. There's no just like generations of Santa's. No, I don't even like Mrs. Claws then because I like my titties and stuff. I don't know if you would turn into a man or if you would just become Santa. I don't know. This is where we experiment. We have been so autistic, but this is great. It's just like fuck Manikill, but we've like planned out like decades of like torturing people. I'd get his money as well. Yeah. And I'd enslave ourselves. I think who already enslaved anybody. I don't know if you need to actually do that. But it'd be like Amazon. I'd turn it into Amazon over. That'd be so rough. We can still be pulsed. Jeff Bezos. You're gonna become sanctified Jeff Bezos. We like Krampus and Missy's claws. And pimping. Yeah. I feel like she's she's not gonna have anywhere else to go. No, no. She's just gonna be trapped. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. It'll be fine. I'll be happy once I've got some money. Yeah. It'll be good. It'll be fine. You're just gonna start selling all the presents instead of getting them out for free. That's what Amazon does. Yeah. Might as well. And like that'll be good. Give us a subscription. And depending on the amount, I'll give you what your kid wants for Christmas. Sorted. Yeah. Sorted. And I won't forget about like the mums and the single parents and stuff. That's where the caring is. Just that little bit. Yeah. Fuck everything else. So they they get stuff for free, or do they still have to pay? You just don't forget about them. And that's that's the generous bit. Just don't forget. Yeah. That'll be fine. Send a mass text, it'll be fine. Yeah. All fucking caps. Pay for your presents before this date to guarantee delivery. I feel like I need that. Half my presents are all coming after Christmas. I'm like, shit. Oh my god. Yeah. I'm I'm you're so organized with stuff. It's it's great, but the ADHD in me or whatever it is, is just like give them the presents now. Yeah. See, I usually do that. Like me and Jason, like I've already had my Christmas present off him, and he already knows what I'm getting him for Christmas. So like we can maybe it's kind of keep a secret anyway. But yeah, I put everyone in my basket months ago. I was really on top of it this year, but I just forgot to order it three times. And then the third time I went on and I was like, Are you shitting me? That's still on there. So I just get distracted, and then I've ticked it off in my head already. And it's yeah, yeah, it's great. It's great. So next list. Well with me, it gets to December. Uh-huh. And then I'm like, shit! And he'd order everything!

Speaker 01: 13:04

Yep.

Speaker 02: 13:04

And I order it within like the first week of December, and I make sure I've got everything. Even the plumber up the road's got a fucking gift. It's great. Yeah. And his wife who I never see. But yeah. He has a wife. He's got a wife. I know. You know your plumber. Just a leave it. Oh, I'm so sorry. If he listens. I doubt it. Just the image. Yeah. It was enough. Fair. Fair. My electrician, on the other hand. Oh. The one that was here when I was here. No, different one. I was gonna say, I was like, okay, okay. He's all tied up. Oh, nice. It's really nice. Yeah. I don't know if he's gonna miss this up. Find it. Oh, I got your wife a Christmas present. I need to return it. Lead bulb. This is like the one time of year you can get away with that. Who do I make this out to? It's a dinner reservation, huh? For the two of them. Cool. So our next one is um The Grinch, Jack Skellington, and Buddy the Elf. Which is quite a random mixture. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to go first? I I don't mind going first for this one. So I'm killing Buddy the Elf. I'm sorry. Oh I c I can't cope with that film. I know that's like a controversial fucking subject because like Oi Jason's family like watches it like multiple times every year and it just drives me insane, to be honest. Yeah. So I like elf. It's good, it's nice. Like I feel like um the elf like needs age regression, I feel. I find it too I get the like vicarious cringe thing for it. Like I just find it difficult to watch because it makes me watch it in a lot of physically uncomfortable. I'm like I just imagine reading new things and it like freaks me out. So fair, fair. Aye. Plus he's really annoyed. I don't think I could cope with it like all the time. Or even just for like the night. Oh I think I'm marrying I don't know. I'm so stuck with this one. I think marry Jack Skellington.

Speaker 01: 15:34

But where's his dick? I'm sure as there's a lot of things. He's all burned, mate.

Speaker 02: 15:40

He's all burned. I mean we could get him a strap on, it'd be fine. Oh yeah, like that's gonna work with a fucking skeleton. I don't I feel like what about the grin? She's gonna be all hairy. I'm assuming his dick's hairy as well. Oh I never thought about that. Yeah. Never thought about hair balls. Oh god. Yeah. And then Buddy Ralph's basically a child. So like I could shave it. You could shave it, that would be terrifying. Like to just see like a fucking cock in the middle of like on the green hair. I mean, I take just Jim Carrey in general. Yeah, fair. Just that Grinch though. Yeah, that was the Grinch that I was thinking of. I like just it's a lot of upkeep to like just continuously shave this dick. He's gonna be shaving it. Alright, fair. If he wants it. Yeah. Just like so I would marry the Grinch. Yeah. Just because we're married doesn't mean I can't go elsewhere. That is very true. Yeah. That is very true. Like, oh you don't want to shave your dick, Mr. Grinch? That's fine. No sucky sucky. I mean, no fucky fucky. What in terms of that then? Because I feel like with Jack Skellington, you're getting to go to like Halloween town and shit, and that's awesome. Like that'd be well cool to get to just go in one thing. That is very true, but That's me falling No, no, no, no, because that's fallen into like our previous relationships. And what no toxic. No. How would he talk grew by two sizes? Yeah. We didn't really get to see what he was like after that though. It was just him at the dinner, he was still a little bit evil, but that's fine. It's at least interesting. Fair, fair. I think the hair would be too much for me. I think the no-deck is preferable or the heady dick for me. And also like the perks. You're getting to go to Halloween time. Because I didn't want to go up a hill. I'm alright. So yeah, I'd married a Grinch. Yeah. Um, who else was that? Jackie Ellington can kill. Right. And you'd be very simple. Fuck Buddy the Ilf. Who's basically a child. Yeah, I d okay. That's why he was on my kill list. Like I ain't fucking with that shit. Because that's the majority of my exes, though. They've just had the minds of a fucking immature child. Okay, right. Okay, now you put it like that. Yeah, because all I can think about is him like screaming in the shops. Just like Santa! Yeah. And it'd be really sticky. I mean, I kind of talked, but like No, just like I don't know, he has like sweeties for breakfast and that. Sweeties. He's have like knee teeth. And like five years. I suppose it doesn't matter if you're just talking about it. Skeleton doesn't have any teeth, right? Yeah. Does he have teeth? Keep saying skeleton skeleton? Because we've been talking about him so much recently. Because fork knight. Not fork knight. Fortnite. Fuck him. Or I'm just getting dementia really young, potentially. I'm in that boat as well, let's see. Okay, maybe I would fuck Jack. And then kill Elf. Yeah. Because I don't want to fuck no. That's like taking advantage. It it feels like it. He's so naive. I'd fuck his dad. Fair. But okay, yeah, we'll k I'll kill Buddy the Elf. Yeah. Yeah. I love that we've both killed Buddy the Elf. It's great. I don't feel like a monster anymore. Just like die. Like I feel like the Grinch and Jack, especially Jack, could be kinky. Yeah, definitely. So definitely. Jack is just a deckhead though. So like that's why I'll just fuck him. Yeah, fair. I just want to go to Halloween town. I'm thinking about the perks here. I don't want to go live on a hill. I live on a hill already. So like it doesn't make that much of a difference. In like a cave though. Or the singing. No Goth is Halloween Town. But I don't like Halloween. Like Halloween Town is nice, but the people that are in it No. Think about the people in the Grinch though. They're all happy all the time. Yeah, but that's why we live up on a hill. I'm not gonna have to deal with that. I mean I do want to live in the middle of nowhere. I don't know why I'm like picking a town over. Right? Exactly. I just kidding what he goes. It'd be cool to go. I don't think he's gonna take you if he's just fucking you though. Yeah, we can go to his crib. Fair. Does he not live in the ground? Wait, which one? Jack's Jack. Does he not come out of a grave at the store? Well that's where you're gonna fucking live, then isn't it? I mean that's goth as fuck. I'd take that. That'd be fine. I'd be okay with it. He'd be okay with it. At least it'd be quiet. It'd be less windy. It would be. It really would be, yeah. Um yeah, so that that's my selection for that, yeah. Cool. Our next one. Fuck it. Our next one is Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Okay, okay.

Speaker 01: 21:20

Kill Mary. Yeah, yeah. Uh fuck Joseph.

Speaker 02: 21:29

Marry Jesus. Yeah. Look at the perks of being Jesus, apparently.

Speaker 01: 21:34

Yeah.

Speaker 02: 21:34

Died at 33 though. That's f I don't know if we are then in the story. Uh or Tasman again. Like, there's no will. So like he's got nothing apart from like his words of guidance. Yeah. I think he was a carpenter for a bit. Like in between. He could pure builds, he could build you a dungeon. Could you imagine that back in the day? I'd be the one who's on the cross. Like, witch! She made me get a bona! She made my dick go up. It has risen. On the third day, he shall rise. So what was it? Kill Mary, poor Mary, dying a virgin. I know, come on. Let's be serious. Fucking Joseph. Why are we fucking Joseph? Just because you want to marry Jesus. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to marry Joseph. The ultimate cook. Like, yeah, like I'm very like atheist, and it's just like this is this is coming from somebody who doesn't really believe in God and whatnot. So it's like, why do I need him? He was fucking useless in the story. He was just there. He was the third wheel in a way. Like there was God, Mary, and Joseph, and Joseph was like, Whatever you did to my wife, it's it's magical. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't say, does it, if he was happy with it or not? I mean he's stuck a bit. He's stuck a bit. Yeah. I don't know if I would. Were they not were they married at this point? Why had they not had sex? I don't know if they were married. I have no idea. I've realized I don't either. Did they then get married? Was that the Ohio? Is everybody now married to God? Is that not the whole thing? Oh. I don't know. Some relationship to God. Yeah. I thought that was like Yeah. Or is God's lover who on it? Well, it's like the father figure thing, I guess. Oh god. So Jesus is like if you're like incest when then Yeah. Exactly. Well, I'm killing Jesus. Okay. You can't leave the world with sin. What? I died for our sins. Yeah, but oh wait. Why don't you do that? No, I don't want that. I don't want that. Because it would be funny if it was cause of me. My god. Like I'd get named in the Bible or not. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, I'm an atheist, and it's just like, yeah, the Bible did happen and all that stuff. I don't think it happened, but like in this scenario. Well, yeah, in this scenario it did, because these people exist. But it also depends if the person who wrote the Bible actually favoured you. I mean, my name's already in the Bible. Because it's a pure biblical name. But I don't know what I did. Or the person who my namesake. It was a different spelling. I don't know if it counts, but anyway. I don't know what they were up to. I think they were just like a side character. Side character. A pure MPC in the Bible. Okay, so what are you gonna do with Jesus? So I I'm sticking with my original plan. I'm gonna kill Jesus. Okay. Because like I don't I don't like my life's cool. I don't even want to be overshadowed. This is like he's gonna be like a good shug somehow. I don't see it. I feel like I don't know, he's the sunny god, he's gonna be pure arrogant, he's gonna be one of these like gym bros. But what like he can turn water into wine? What if he can turn his dick into a big dick? And like a monster coke. I feel like that's a that's a bit of a jump somehow. He just turned into the crack and that's not the Bible you've been reading. No, it's my Bible. My bible. I don't know if this I don't see it somehow. I feel like that's no like a godly miracle to bestow. Ungodly. Ungodly? Maybe, you know, but like Yeah. I'm gonna fuck Mary, because like that's funny. Okay, yeah. Um, especially if she is still claiming to be a virgin at this point. Like, I can pure like be the person that takes like the virgin mother's virginity. What a claim to fame that would be. That is very true, very true. And then Marry Joseph, because he's just not gonna get in my way. He'll he'll let you do stuff. He'll just let me do whatever I want. He'll sit in the corner while he watches. And just go along with whatever exactly easy oasy life. Exactly. Sorted. Yeah. Oh, you wanna fuck somebody tonight? That's fine. I'll just sit in the corner. As long as it's God, it's fine. God says it's fine. Clearly, he's just like really, really stupid and just loves Mary, and like that sounds like a good combo. But will he love you the same? Uh in this scenario, yes. I'm taking it that he's just like a duckling and he's just gonna go a long way whoever gets put in front of him. It was meant to be. Yeah, meant to be right. So Kill Mary, Mary Joseph. No, kill Jesus. Oh, oh wait. Fuck Mary. Oh, yeah, that was it. Mary Joseph. Yeah. Your one is Kill Mary. Yeah. Mary Jesus. Mary Jesus. And that means you're fucking Joseph. At least he's getting his hole. Just a little bit, yeah. Just a wee bit. Yeah. Yeah. I'll see if he's got a magic cock. Get the tentacles out. Yeah.

Speaker 01: 27:50

That's good though. Yeah, that's very good.

Speaker 02: 27:52

Cool. So the next one, we just did like the three Jack Frosts. Oh yeah. So we have Jack Frost, the snowman, from the family film Jack Frost. Yeah, terrifying. Which was like terrified me as a child, and it is way scarier than it needed to be. Uh-huh. Um, the storyline being I think the mum and dad split up, and then the snowman in their garden turns into their dad or something. Like it's it's almost like it's not able to see the kids, also infinite. Aye, it's basically um what's that film where the guy dress dresses up Oh like Mrs. Doubtfire? It's basically Mrs. Doubtfire, but with like a terrifying anatomic snowman that looks like it would eat you. Try and shag that, mate. Yeah, good go. It's quite a cat. That's very pointy. So yeah, there was that one. Family friendly. There's in Jack Frost from The Horror that came out a year before the family film, and the family film ripped off of and ended up being more scary than the original horror. Yep, yep. Which I've not seen, but I've seen photos of. Yeah. Um it's so similar in like character uh design. Yeah. And they have fully ripped it off. It's crazy completely and somehow turned it into like a family-friendly thing. But it wasn't a family friendly. It's even worse. It's even scarier than the original for the for the pictures that I've seen anyway. It looks so scary. It's oh it's worse than like the cat's. How can you look at that and be like, that's my dad? I don't know if they knew it was their dad. I think it was like Mrs. Doubtfire. I mean he nearly died. I think that was when they were like, Oh, gee. I'm still traumatised for this. That gave me so many nightmares. I'm gonna watch it. I thought members of my family were gonna turn into snowmen. I didn't build a snowman for like years because I was terrified. Fucking in the in this climate, when it means the next. Screw out of snow. I know. That's very true. And then just Jack Frost like the cryptid. Like the mythological Jack Frost. What does he look like again? Let's lap it a picture. Cause like I'm I'm just all that's coming up's like the terrifying. For people that are watching on Dark Funs, this this is so scary. Family friendly one. That's like somebody who's had like way too much Botox. Unlike Filler. It all moved the so oh, it was like proper uncanny valley. Did we watch that this Saturday? Yeah, we could all that's coming up all the films ones, but like he's like a little like pixie. Oh yeah, it's out of that animated movie. There's an animated movie called Jack Frost. Yeah. Okay. That's like, but he's a child, so we're not gonna do him. Yeah, no.

Speaker 01: 31:04

But like I'm sure I'll put like cryptid. Hold on. Cryptid. I don't even know if that's technically a cryptid.

Speaker 02: 31:19

What does cryptid mean? Like uh so like Mothman's a cryptid, like the Loch Ness monsters a cryptid. Like I don't know if he's a cryptid because he's more like mythological, do you know what I mean? But like I think picture the green man but like frosty. Yeah, yeah. Kind of vibes. Like if you look like that I can I can get down with that.

Speaker 01: 31:42

Yeah. Yeah, that one's got a dick.

Speaker 02: 31:48

That one they all oh no, wait. Two of them don't. Yeah, two of them don't, but that one is the well I'll marry that one. I dunno. I'll I'll I'll fuck the horror version and pray that I don't die. And I will kill the family dad. Yeah. Jack Frost. How the how the film seemed like it was gonna end and should have. Yeah. Make it make it into a horror. Make it into a horror. Are you killing him with like um like hairdryers? Yeah.

Speaker 01: 32:22

Nice.

Speaker 02: 32:23

I think that might be in the movie as well, in um the horror version. Oh, that they like try and get them. Yeah. So what was your story? So you're fucking the cryp or the mythological one. Yeah, because he actually has a penis. Yeah. I'd rather not use a carrot. They're so uncomfortable. So you're having not that I know, it's just pointy. You're having a sexless marriage with the horror one. No, because that looks like it's got a penis. What the horror one? No, oh, no, right. I'm marrying the cryptic. Yeah, the cryptic. The cryptic right. I am fucking the horror one. Yep. Gonna attempt that. Yeah, yeah. Get a good hopefully not have a hyperphemia at the end of it. Oh god. Frosty bits. I feel like this is just all of them. You're running that risk. Yeah. Let's be honest. I'm gonna have to be hot and cold at the same time. At least the like actual Jack Frost, the mythological one. I feel like he might be able to go indoors. Yeah. And then you're not just like fucking in the forest. Exactly. Whereas I feel like with the snowmen, you would need to be a sights. You'd imagine your dog's peas on them. Bit of yellow snow there. If only I had a piss fetish. I feel like a million percent if you were a snowman, you would have a piss fetish. Like, it would be like the ultimate taboo. Do you know what I mean? It's not even like piss on my feet, it's like piss on my circles.

Speaker 01: 33:56

Make me a mouse.

Speaker 02: 34:01

Put the carrot in me.

Speaker 01: 34:03

And my button eyes.

Speaker 02: 34:10

Right, I need to get a photo up of the horror one again. Because I think I'm the same as you with them all so far. It's like put your sticks in me. Give me a little stick arms, yeah. You could like get a pencil short. I don't know why the went. I get like almost torture. Yeah, you want to die of an eternal fucking like in the cakey way. Like. But like you wouldn't do that to someone's finger. Did you just play temperature play? Be like, I'm gonna have paddles with like patterns and stuff on them that would show up so well. Oh my god. A new mean and sensory play. I've got your eyes. I've got your arms.

Speaker 01: 35:17

I'm spanking you with your own hand. Fucking you with your own nose. Like if you take the camera off. You can smell your ass.

Speaker 02: 35:36

I mean it would just be snow. You can take it, please. If my dog smarts. You can just keep their nose. Exactly. Just keep their eyes. We are so fucking sadistic, man. Holy shit.

Speaker 01: 36:00

That's so good. Oh my god.

Speaker 02: 36:06

Oh my god. Wait, so is this the horror one? He's a little mono brutes. Yeah. Yeah. He looks a lot more s he looks like he's not made of snow. Nor foam. Yeah. Like in the thingy. So this is the one that we're fucking. Yeah, yeah. So there is one scene where he goes into a bathtub and like he melts. Yeah. And then like, because it's like the bath, like, and it's water, like, he like, yes, yes. He comes back alive and she's like, no, my arms are in you, Mr. Snowman. You can do some kinky asshole with that. You've got my hand. Look at that smile. He's enjoying that shit. Exactly. Fair. So like it was it. I think the story behind it is like he was a serial killer. Yeah. So like Chucky vibes. Yeah, yeah. Into a snowman. Into a snowman. She's gonna go over that just got your eye! They're up mad off now. Or getting it some like vorge and make them any snow corns. Oh my god. Just every now and again when like as a punishment, you just take a part of them away and just melt it in your hands. Watching you disappear.

Speaker 01: 37:36

So so weird.

Speaker 02: 37:44

It's gonna melt. That was what I was saying about like making a new hole. Because it would just like melt and through it.

Speaker 01: 37:53

Oh my god. Oh that'd be good. Yep.

Speaker 02: 38:01

So what are you gonna do? Oh the same. Oh the same. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Cause like I feel like like fuck that dad. Like, why is he a snowman? That's a that's a freaky situation. At least when it's like a tortured soul inhabiting, like kid I don't know, like it's it makes more sense to me than like like just a divorced dad turning into snow. I'm like, nah, kill it. Like fuck that. There's some weird. It's creepy, it's creepier to me than the serial killer. I mean, it's the same thing with like Mrs. Doubtfire a little bit. Yeah. Where it's just like, why are you dressing up to go to like see your kids and like it's it's like consent. There's no consent with it. It's weird. I don't uh like I love Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah, but like your kids like you're peeping in on their lives and everything like that. Like, there's no consent. Yeah, it's just kind of weird. Yeah. Cool. Now we have some utterly terrible shitty Christmas jokes. So why does Santa always land on your roof? Why? Because he likes it on top. Oh man. Do you want to read the second one? Oh, go ahead. Right. Why doesn't Mrs. Claws get pregnant? Santa only comes down chimleys. Yeah, that is your face. Because I think I'd read a different one when it was like Santa only comes once a year, so I just like wasn't expecting it. Like maybe what did the Grinch say after trying Viagra? What? What did the Grinch say after trying Viagra? Oh sorry. Yes, that's how jokes work. You usually say I don't know. Oh, I don't know. He grew three sizes that day. And this is why I'm marrying them. Like, this is why I'm marrying him. Fair. Yeah. I I still think it'll be funny. But but I we just shave it, wax it. Maybe laser it. It's fine. It's not you. Exactly. So it's the second blaster. Oh. Why do reindeer make great lovers? I don't know. Their antlers give you something to hold on to. I really hope nobody got any of these in their Christmas crackers on Christmas. Could you could you the Nan reads out? The nan who's got like dementia or something and keeps having to repeat it. And now it's just a core memory in her head. Did you read the Christmas cracker? What does Santa call it when he finishes on his wife's chest? What? Chase nuts.

Speaker 01: 41:32

They're roasting. Yep.

Speaker 02: 41:39

Some pretty good jokes. Yep. Pretty good. Pretty awful. But lovely good. Awfully good. That's all you can ask for for jokes at Christmas. Right, yeah. So this has been Behind the Paddle Podcast. Our lovely Christmas episode. Yeah. And I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I am postlin Victoria. And I am Emily Sin. Yeah. Um Uncensored Market is June. Yeah, the 7th of June. So we've got a couple months away. Um but we are planning some more fun events up and going. Spattered across. So follow our socials if you want to hear more, or inevitably I will probably speak about them a little bit in a future episode once things are set in stone. Yeah. Um they on Sunset Marker have Instagram. Do you guys have fit? You do. Um and yeah, you can get any of my links anywhere, really. Yeah. Give us a follow on everything. Uh obviously check out our dark funds if you want to see what we're wearing, which is always a cute. Um we've got a little discount code for you guys, which is behind the paddle. If you use that at checkoutesanctuaryofsin.com, you'll get a little discount off some Christmas not Christmas goodies, because we're after Christmas, but just goodies in general. Yeah, goodies in general. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's it. Well, this is where you spend your like money that you got from Christmas. Yeah. Yep, exactly. Um treat yourself. Yeah. Or your partner. Or your friends. Why not? I mean, I give you guys um an acrylic paddle. But no, resin paddle that I made and stuff. Uh we'll see how that's going. Um ADHD thing. Um, yeah, I think that's really it. Make sure you join our dark fans. And yeah, this has been behind the paddle Christmas episode. Hope everyone's had a nice Christmas and has a nice new year when it comes. We'll see you next year. Bye.

Speaker 01: 43:42

Bye.