Introduction and Disclaimer

Speaker 1 0:57

Hello and welcome back to Behind the Paddle Podcast with me , pulse and Victoria . So this is like the third time trying to record this because , well , firstly , I kind of got depressed actually talking about my story and , secondly , the second time I tried to make a video . Well , this the podcast episode . I muted it for a good 10 minutes and , yeah , just try not to ah , basically . But yeah , the podcast is coming out today , which is a Tuesday instead of Monday .

Speaker 1 1:37

Basically , yesterday I had a burst of energy and you know neurodivergence out there . You know that if you have a burst of energy , you need to use it before it disappears , and so that's what I did . I ended up absolutely redoing my whole room , um , my whole bedroom , and it didn't occur to me until recently that this is the first time in my life that , like , my bedroom is my bedroom , which is crazy . So , yeah , that was exciting . I've still got a lot to do with it . So , like , this week is going to be work and DIY , so I'm going to be very exhausted and I'm also very excited to start our new book Thursday . It shall be announced maybe on the day , but it seems like we wanted , uh , we wanted to talk about the mind and our bodies . So we'll see . We'll see which book I pick , because I did put a poll out and it was very interesting . It was very , actually , kind of focused . We didn't really want to learn about sex work this time , because revolt and prostitutes was all about sex work and so , fair , fair , we want to learn something different . Now . That's cool , very excited , and so I'm going to put a little disclaimer in this video . Right , why do I keep saying video ? I mean , I'm videoing myself right now because I do put it out on YouTube as well every now and again . But , um , yeah , disclaimer that I do not condone anybody coming into sex work in general , never mind how young I came into sex work , and I would not advise it coming into sex work , or however old you are coming into sex work and there's going to be a trigger warning .

Speaker 1 3:40

For once , we're probably going to talk about shitty parents , um , toxic relationships , potentially rape , sexual assault , um , we're going to be talking about self-harming and , yeah , I haven't really written a script for this episode . Probably should have , honestly , because there is a lot . This is probably going to be an hour-long episode , so buckle up . One thing which I will say is please , please , please . If you are a guardian of a child or children , please educate them on sex . Please educate them on the real world and not fear-mongering , but educating them on what can happen , what STDs are , what STIs are , what BDSM is and how to have sex safely and potentially even how it feels . Because when you don't have that guidance , things that happened in my life which I will be discussing happened and I would never honestly want that on somebody and this is why I kind of got depressed because my story into sex work isn't the greatest and I wouldn't want anybody to go through what I went through . So , yeah , we're going to jump in . It is probably it won't be a tearjerker , I mean maybe , but we're going to , you'll see . So we're going to start with porn .

Speaker 1 5:44

Let's say I was 12 and I can't quite remember how old I was , but 12 sounds about right and 12 is now . 12 is now um , studies have been done . On average you're 12 years old when you start looking at your body and getting curious , and I do think kids at that age need to be taught . Um , I think even before the age of 12 they need to be taught , mainly for safety reasons , because you know you could sadly have that traumatic event of an uncle or a neighbor or a family friend and they could touch you inappropriately , even at a young age , and you want your kid , or any kid , to be prepared for real life and what can happen . And there are no , no spots on your body and they need to understand that . If something happens , they need to go tell an adult and a adult that they trust and it's not okay for somebody to touch their body . That is a reason why I will be . I have taught my kid where it's appropriate to touch and where it's not appropriate to touch , and I've also given them free speech of where they want to be touched , like , for example , I know that my child doesn't really like to be touched on their back or on their neck and sometimes not even their head , and you need to tell them that it's okay to not consent to being touched wherever that may be on the body , even if it's just holding hands .

Speaker 1 7:47

Now I am gonna quickly talk about the crime and policing bill . Now , if you've listened to any of the previous episodes , you do know that it's not a good bill at all and we do not want it to pass . It's going to stop a lot of sex workers in general from advertising online and it's just not going to make it safe . It is putting on a band-aid of a bigger issue , which is education , and still making it all seem taboo , and I've seen that the government really likes to do this , especially recently where the bill , which is still in parliament and they are still editing it . It now includes a ban on pornography depicting strangulation . As of June 19th this year , 2025 , it will be illegal to possess , distribute or publish pornography that depicts any act of strangulation .

Speaker 1 8:53

Advocates like the organization RISE welcome this amendment , noting it targets the normalization of strangulation in porn , which contributes to real life risk and misogynistic attitudes . That's what they think . Now , me being in the porn industry , being in the sex work industry , I will be completely honest . That's bullshit . Now , where a person watches porn and they go oh , I want to strangle the next person Right , where the fuck is the education ? Now you have to also remember that this stops the education videos about strangulation . There's nothing aside from getting off and getting horny with strangulation . There isn't positives . You are playing with oxygen and you're playing with blood . It is not good . You have a very big risk of being paralysed , of getting knocked out and deaf . There is no education on the risk factors . What they've just done is said oh no , no , we're making it illegal . So stupid , in my opinion , honestly . And of course , this does affect sex workers , where they distribute certain porn , and it obviously affects educators who want to educate people on how to do things as safely as possible . Again , bdsm it's not safe . You can make it as safe as possible , but it's not safe . And additionally , new relationships , sex and health education . Rshe guidance in England is mandatory from September this year will require pupils to be taught that strangulation is a criminal offence even when there is no visible injuries .

Speaker 1 11:12

Now I understand they are trying to stop men strangling , I would assume , women . Let's be honest , this is very gendered here .

The Importance of Sex Education

Speaker 1 11:24

Why do you think they're going to stop just because you've made it illegal ? Child porn's illegal , but it's more underground now because it is illegal . I'm not saying we decriminalize it or whatnot , but like it's an example , say , for instance , the whole argument of or a man dressing up as a woman going into the toilet just to assault women . That's the whole argument , right ? We've all heard it before . Men do not need to dress up to assault women . If they want to , they will do it . If a man wants to rape a woman , he will do it . He will do it by force . He might drug you , he might trick you , he might trap you just because it is illegal or it is bad or you will get into trouble . Does not stop misogynistic men doing what they want to do .

Speaker 1 14:27

You want to make it harsher , maybe for domestic violence perpetrators ? Go for it . You want to do longer sentences for people who do intentionally cause harm by strangulation ? Go for it . But they're not doing that . They're just slapping a band-aid on and they're going oh , we're not actually going to teach the kids how to do this as safely as possible , medically and teach them what to do when it goes wrong . We're just going to say it's illegal and it's a crime . We're going to scare them , gonna scare them . We're gonna make them fear doing it .

Speaker 1 15:11

Now , this is just going to turn out . I'm not gonna say it's gonna make them turn out like me , who dived straight into sex work and was very , very curious about everything . But what I've learned being a parent myself and being a child , is that if you deny your kids something , they will want to do it eventually and they will want to do that in a positive way or a negative way . All you can do is guide them and educate them in the best way possible that you can . You don't need to fear monger the kid . You don't need to make them so scared that they're never going to touch it . You need to educate them about what can happen . So we're going to talk about my life . This is going to be a journey . Okay . Now I will be writing a book at some point about my life . I will be writing a book at some point about my life . I think I've decided put some traumatic bits in one of the books . I mean , there's going to be a few , but I'm gonna try and not include as much traumatic stuff in this episode , because it's a bit relevant , but it's not . At the same time . We are going to start with sex etc .

Speaker 1 16:41

So back in the day , let's say I was 12 there was a program called sex etc . And that was a television show produced by Playboy and it was on Bravo . It was on Challenge . These were TV channels back in the day . I think it was on Virgin at some point as well , because they had a TV channel and it was on After Midnight , and this was when the big box TVs were around and so my parents would know if I was watching TV , if they put their hand over the TV and if it was hot I was watching TV and that was the majority of how I got into trouble . But with Sex Etc , there was 106 episodes and 10 seasons . It was released in 1998 . I was born in 1999 . And it stopped releasing in 2005 . Now this , oh my god , this show is amazing , honestly . It was .

Speaker 1 18:01

The show featured four to five reporters and it was an hour-long episode and they talked about stories and they talked about fetishes , went to adult entertainment expos , they went to gatherings , you know , sex parties and like slave auctions

Censorship vs Real Solutions

Speaker 1 18:24

and the current erotic trends at the time , which was usually like swinger parties and mile high club , and they talked about sex toys and talked about porn celebrities and even interviewed a good few and they had tips for couples and it was so educational , crazy , so educational , and I wish to this day that we had something as educational as this . We do have like Open House , which is like a sort of reality tv show , I guess , and we have virgin island . They're the only two which I can think of right now , honestly , in the past few years where they've talked openly about something and you've went on this journey with somebody , but sex , et cetera itself . Every episode was different and they covered so much in the hour-long episodes it was amazing . So at the ripe age ripe age , that's kind of gross . At the age of 12 , let's say honestly , I could have been younger . I'm not so sure it's not something that I remember explicitly being that age , but basically they would talk about pet play , pony play , adult babies , slave auctions , swinger clubs , dungeons . They would talk about so much and it was so interesting to me and , honestly , it is where I learned how to masturbate . And I will always remember that episode where they just showed women masturbating and it was rubbing the clitoris and I was like whoa . So like me masturbating for the first time wasn't putting things into my vagina , even though it did evolve into that but primarily it was just rubbing and I was like that's crazy people do this . Oh my god , it gives me so much pleasure . And from there I was able to like orgasm and come and find out very important bits of my body . Um , all due to this series and I don't really I don't think the series maybe realizes like how amazing it was and like maybe the government understands but doesn't want people to have you know , opinions and like understanding of their own bodies and everything like that . It was amazing and I wish that it was brought back . And yeah , that was the start for me seeing the porn on tv and going , oh my god , this is so good , I love it .

Speaker 1 21:30

And a little bit about my life was that I was heavily bullied , like I would have rocks thrown at me and called names and I was very much wanting to find my Prince Charming that's how I describe it , because my life at home as well wasn't great at all . I grew up with quite an alcoholic father and who smoked weed and that angered him Like it was the first time growing up with the negative effects of medication and drugs , but it was and drinking it wasn't that great , wasn't the worst that's what I always say but it wasn't the best . And my mother was not fond of me whatsoever . I'm not quite sure if my mother , just straight up , didn't like me . Um , I don't believe she wanted kids , honestly , um , but yeah , that was the sort of situation I don't really think my father , like he would use excuses of why he wasn't a good dad which , through a lot of therapy , he can go fuck himself . Um , because those excuses were not worth a pinch of salt and , yeah , they didn't really help that much at all . They were very much .

Speaker 1 23:10

Um , they didn't care to understand or educate themselves on why I was a different child , because I have autism and ADHD and even the smallest thing , for example . I remember vividly telling my parents that , oh , my throat is itchy , I have a runny nose and very watery , itchy eyes and , like my top lip itches every now and again , and they were just like , oh , it's nothing . Turns out I have hay fever and I'm also , like , allergic to dust and talc powder and whatever else is in the bloody air . Um , I have tried to go to an allergist but they can't pinpoint what exactly I'm allergic to . But that was , um , just a little thing which made me realize that my parents didn't really care to understand or want to understand what was not necessarily wrong with their child . But why were they different in some way ? And , yeah , so it wasn't really a good childhood in that aspect . So I very much wanted to find somebody that loved me and would be there for me and could shield me from everything bad that was happening in my life . Now there was a lot of traumatic events which have happened in my life , but again I'm gonna try and stick to just going to the sex work parts Again , from the age of 12 , sexually active in figuring out my own body , and I don't really think I started exploring with boys until maybe 14 , 13 , and again there was no education behind that , only sex , etc .

Speaker 1 25:15

And this still is in the day and age of of very clunky computers , and I remember I had the computer in the kitchen , um , around my nans . It was in the hall , so you can't really look up stuff , it's . It's not really that type of environment and I didn't live in an environment where we could openly , um , talk about things . I remember sitting down on the sofa to have a quote , talk with my dad about drugs and sex . There wasn't that much about sex . I think he just mentioned wear protection and I've always been on birth control since I was young . But I remember him talking about drugs and he was way more open talking about drugs to me than he was about sex . Like my dad straight up said , if you're gonna try anything , I can be in the room and I was like , thanks , but I think I'm currently like 14 . Let's say I didn't personally I didn't want to do drugs . I was interested in a little bit about smoking , but after coughing my lungs up , that wasn't for me and it didn't do anything .

Speaker 1 26:41

So we've talked about when I was 12 , oh , and I with my mum , round about the same age , between yeah , round about 12 , let's say I remember my mum walking in on me masturbating and the way I masturbate is . Usually it sounds bizarre because it's not what everybody does , but it's what really got me off and it still does to this day . But you lay down on your front , so you've

Sex Etc: Formative Television

Speaker 1 27:13

got all the pressure going down on onto you and you just put your hand where your vagina is and you're clear and you rub it with like the palm of your hand and that stimulates it . And I would do this with the covers over me . Don't know why , just felt better , the covers over me , don't know why , just felt better . And I remember my mum coming in , storming in and flinging back the sheet and going , oh , you're disgusting , this is so disgusting what you're doing , look at you and shaming me over masturbating . So yeah , that was my introduction to the world . How the world sees masturbating wasn't nice . My dad , every now and again , would talk about how there's like handcuffs in the bedroom , in the closet . I think I remember finding them at some point , or like a blindfold , and like my dad was a bit more open than my mom , but it still wasn't as good as it could have been .

Speaker 1 28:22

So we've talked about when I was 12 we're like nearly half an hour in I was very heavily bullied , so I really very much enjoyed being online and being away from everybody . So still to this day , I am a gamer . I very much like playing games and being online and being in my own little world . I found this online world virtual reality called Second Life . Now , second Life is a virtual reality world where you can create an avatar and do do whatever you like in it . Really , there is no limits with the game . You can do um , voice control or you can just type and like . You can create an avatar , you can be a furry , you can be a monster . You can create an avatar , you can be a furry , you can be a monster , you can do BDSM , you can do strip clubs , you can do all sorts . And that was amazing and it launched in 2003 . And by the time it was 2013, . It had approximately a million regular users and I was one of those users , and that was at the age of 14 , 15 . I basically I just immersed myself into that world .

Speaker 1 29:45

It was so fun and through second life , I found that you needed to have money in the game to make a beautiful avatar rather than just a shitty one which , um , you go into the game with . And so I was like , huh , how do I make money on this game ? Because I'm not old enough to . I think I had a bank account at that point , but obviously I didn't have access to it and you know I didn't have money . I didn't grow access to it and you know I didn't have money . I didn't grow up with a family where , like , they gave out money that often it would be like birthdays or Christmases . And , yeah , at one point I did get pocket money , but that's a different story . Yeah , I found out that you could strip , you could be a stripper in this world , and I was like , cool , I'm gonna be a stripper and I'm gonna earn money , and that's what I did .

Speaker 1 30:44

In this journey , I learned more about fairies . I become absolutely obsessed . I loved fairies , I still do , and I have a fursona myself and I learned about Gorean culture . Now there was this island on Second Life where you could go and you could get sold as a slave and you made money that way . Obviously , the owners of the island , um , they took a cut only fair .

Speaker 1 31:18

But gorean culture is , it primarily stems from a man's novel . This man called john norman , john Norman . He made the Chronicles of Gore , and it's a fictional world characterized by a rigid social hierarchy , widespread slavery , I know , and it's a strong emphasis on dominance and and submission , particularly in sexual relationships . And it , straight up , is gendered in the way where you serve the males and the females are at the bottom of the list . And so that's how I learned about green culture . Green culture is very different from BDSM . In green culture there there is communication but there is not a lot of respect . Really , I mean , the books were written by a man . I feel like that says what needs to be said .

Speaker 1 32:29

But you become a slave . If you're female , you're a slave . And then you're assigned a colour and depending on that color , um , it says , um , if you're like a baker , if you're a merchant , if you're a slaver , um , if you're a peasant , if you're a . You know that sort of system and it is just heavily made for male dominance . So , yeah , I would get bought and sold , bought and sold . And I kind of got bored of that in a way and I wanted to explore more what I could do .

Speaker 1 33:08

And at the age of 15 , I found myself wanting to find love which is very stupid at that age and I was very easily groomed , which , again , stupid , I don't believe . At the time I realized I was being groomed . Yeah , I was very , very blind to it because I just wanted to escape the reality and I trusted that somebody would just shield me from it all and take me away , which wasn't true , obviously . And so , going back to how I made money on the game , I realized that you know people , there was stripping and people enjoyed having sex with avatars , whether that be role-playing , whether that be dirty talking by typing . That is how I learned how to seduce men , by typing and making paragraphs of just dirty , um deviant things at such a young age .

Speaker 1 34:21

And I learned , um , I did make some friends , like people were friendly , um , some people weren't , obviously , but there were people who meant well and they didn't realize that I was as young as I was . Like , they didn't ask for identification or anything like that , and I do believe that if there is a online adult entertainment um place where you will be performing , you need to be of age to do that . I don't think me I should have been doing that at that age , because I ended up doing webcam for people , um , in a way to earn money again . I enjoyed it . It was an escape of reality , but I didn't realize what I was doing . It was an escape of reality , but I didn't realize what I was doing that much . So I learned that people had fetishes . I learned that , oh , you can be a werewolf and get fucked by a werewolf . Yeah , that unlocked a few things .

Speaker 1 35:29

And might I need to add that all the way through being , let's say , 12 , I was self-harming . I was caught in my wrists with whatever I could find , because being heavily bullied and not being in a stable home and all that contributed . I want to say to me finding my way into the sex industry again , this is how important it is to educate your kids and to have a good relationship with them , same with teachers . You need to educate the children you are looking after . So , yeah , I started doing webcam shows and , honestly , I should have been charging a lot more , because it was very obvious I wasn't 18 . Like I will have . I will traumatically joke about how I remember one guy saying , oh , that school uniform looks

Discovering Online Worlds

Speaker 1 36:41

very authentic .

Speaker 1 36:44

I have loads of dog humor , but that is how I found out that people had a fetish for shit and I was like , oh , because at one point there was these group of men . They had a Skype group . I know skype . It's now closed . Skype , they don't do skype , no more . What the heck ? I feel old . And back in the day when skype was about , these guys would request custom videos of me shitting and I was like , yeah , sure , just give me this amount of money and like they won the jackpot . I know they knew they won the jackpot with me shitting for them and I enjoyed being of service and getting money for it .

Speaker 1 37:29

And I did enjoy , um , sex work . I didn't enjoy getting groomed . Well , further on in life I realized that I was groomed and like it wasn't fucking good . Yeah , that's how I realized I enjoyed that . So then that stopped because I got caught and my mother was basically like , right , we're going to the police . And so the police came over and they were like you're a young child , you do not know what you were doing , so we want you to write a formal apology to your mother , like what ? And they were like you have to do , duke of Edinburgh , because you are clearly not a good child . And I was like , oh okay , right , so you're just right , okay . I mean , I knew what I was doing . I was profiting off of exposing my body to men who were way older for money . But they were like no , no , no , no , no . And I'm like , dude , I know what I'm doing , but yeah , and the Duke of Edinburgh , and whatnot ? Um , they also told me I need to go to counselling . Counselling did not care , basically , about me . I had a horrific experience with that um , which ended up getting me into more trouble not my fault , but I will go into that at some other point , because this is already like 40 minutes long and I want to make this into maybe one or two episodes . Um , but yeah , that was second life .

Speaker 1 39:14

And while that was going on , I was also on Kik . If you remember the app Kik , it was basically a social network where you could talk to other people around the world and you could create group chats and just talk to strangers . And on there I found kitten play groups , which is people acting like cats and it's part of pet play and I really much loved that . I loved it . I was like , oh , I'm like a posh little kitty and I'm adorable and all this and I can be like not rough and tumble and be regal , and I realized that I was actually a puppy and like the rough and tumble .

Speaker 1 40:08

During that time I got into a at least three year I believe um BDSM relationship with somebody who wasn't really that great . It ended up turning into like a sort of high protocol , 24-7 BDSM relationship . We were two kids , we didn't know what we were doing , we had no education , we just freely did what we want . It just wasn't great . There was a lot of factors to it and we just didn't mesh as people together and it became quite abusive during that time .

Speaker 1 40:50

I ended up going to swinger clubs at the age of 17 . So this is like 15 to 18 we're going to be talking about right now , but at the age of 17 ended up going to swinger clubs . The owners mysteriously never asked for id or anything like that . Um , I found out that the owners liked me and that's why I was never ID'd Me at the age of 17 , wore thigh highs , pigtails , potentially , had a pacifier . I remember at one point I walked around with a tail butt plug in , completely nude .

Speaker 1 41:38

I loved the attention I did and I remember my first night at the swinger club and a lot of wild things happened a lot , and it definitely was on full blast and that was the swing culture that I was introduced to , where the owners didn't care how old you were , as long as you were hot , you could get in and you know there was alcohol involved . You've got to have that With me . I had to have that like pick me up . I do believe the more we went , the more I didn't need alcohol because I got so comfortable and like I knew the people who were there , they did groom me and they did manipulate me into situations like I remember , oh god , being in a situation where they all knew I was underage , they all knew that I couldn't have been 21 , like I exclaimed , but none of them asked for ID , which still amazes me to this day . Um , yeah , there was a lot of examples where I got into situations which I didn't , I shouldn't have been in .

Speaker 1 43:07

But yeah , swinger clubs at that age there was a guy . There was a staff member called Boo and I recently confronted him in person about this experience which I had with him and he straight up denied knowing me and I . That was healing but also at the same time frustrating , because I know for a fact he remembers me and this experience was with Easton . So it was with electrics . I remember him explicitly showing off that he had um this electric setup . It was a 2b or at least um electrostim or Eastim I have it somewhere . There's two companies , I think it was Eastim and it was from Europe , and he boasted so much about that and I was like , oh yeah , cool . And he was like , do you want to go ? And I was like , oh sure , and so he put it on my um pelvic . And so he put it on my pelvic and this asshole this was my first introduction to electrics which left me scarred Because this asshole started screaming into this voice , activated electric set and so I was getting electrocuted at the max volume and it was so painful and stupid . 17 year old me was like putting on a fucking brave face because I just I didn't want to disappoint anybody and I didn't want to look weak and looking back it was stupid . I wish I had the power within and confidence to say no , please stop , you're really hurting me Like . I got cramps and it was so fucking painful , and so that was my first experience with electrics forever in my memory .

Speaker 1 45:16

But I was very much self-taught in a way . I had somebody who , weirdly , I was an entrepreneur growing up and

From Virtual to Real-World Experiences

Speaker 1 45:30

I had a dog walking business , and I remember somebody commented on one of my posts about , oh , I've got a dog walking business and whatnot , and she was like , oh , you won't be able to um walk all my dogs . She had 12 dogs . We started talking and , um , this was before the swinger clubs , because they introduced me to the swinger clubs and again , they were like 21 , 24 , something like that , and I was 17 and I found out that she was doing in-person sex work . She was being a dominatrix . I'm not very good one , if I'm completely honest , but she was also a prostitute and she was also in an open relationship with her partner and I met them both . We got good friends , we went to swinger clubs , we um talked , and so my education was from her and him and it wasn't the fucking best at all .

Speaker 1 46:33

Being more introduced to the lifestyle through other people . That was great and , of course , with the swinging industry industry , with the swinging community , it was interesting . So , yeah , going out with that couple to swinger events and at one point I did see her in the actual session being a dominant and that was interesting . She , as I said , she wasn't the greatest , but it was very , very interesting to see somebody be dominant in a way and , um , I would be a voyeur , I would watch her and her partner consent and whatnot , and it was an interesting dynamic , definitely , and I feel like I wanted to just improve on that and because I had that way of going into sex work on top of doing the webcamming , I was like this is my calling this , this is what I want to do . I very much enjoyed it and don't get me wrong , I went to college , I have a degree and I had a job a quote , normal job from 16 to 19 and did sex work alongside that as well . I started sex work when I was 17 and , well , I started in-person sex work when I was 17 .

Speaker 1 48:13

The one thing which I've noticed is that men don't care . They don't ask for ID or anything like that , and I want to emphasize that in a way where they don't care if it is illegal , because it was illegal for me to be doing this and they still didn't care . So I feel like that just goes to show about the online safety act . It goes to show about , um , the crime policing bill and the strangulation law which just came into play , that they don't care , men do not care , and I didn't think that the main thing coming from this was going to be me talking about men and how , if you ban something or if you make it illegal , men don't care . But it is the truth and it was easy , in a way way , for me to keep doing sex work .

Speaker 1 49:26

Thankfully , I don't work . You need to verify yourself within 48 hours . I love that . We , that's been kept . We can still do that . That's been kept . We can still do that .

Speaker 1 49:46

Um , yeah , how else did I advertise ? I can't quite remember . But yeah , like there are things in place to protect people , to protect underage people where it comes to identification online and providing them services . But , yeah , that was my introduction to sex work . I honestly can't really remember my first client , um , a good portion of clients , and how I was hesitant to get into being a dominatrix , um , when I first started , which is a different story and I remember the roles that I used to play and like role play and stuff . And oh boy , when I write this book about what I've done in the past legally , um , it's gonna be a crazy and hopefully people buy it . I should think so , but yeah , that's basically my story .

Speaker 1 51:03

I think that's round about everything I just wanted to mention about how you know , going into sex work young is not wise , especially if you've had a childhood like mine and you then also have like an influx of money . I went into like I was depressed and I became a shopaholic , which is a very it's a very fucking real thing , and I didn't quite realize until I realized that I had so much , so many items and I was spending so much money and I didn't save . And you definitely need to learn restraint when you do sex work , because you do get an influx of money if you're good at it and if you enjoy it . But yeah , I definitely was a rookie and there is one negative review out there which um mentions , about how I kept cancelling the session because 17 18 year old me just couldn't be fucked , because 17 18 year old me just couldn't be fucked like if I wasn't feeling like having a booking , then I wasn't gonna take it and I had that privilege and so , um , a man got quite angry at that .

Speaker 1 52:32

But yeah , I used to be called um minx . I was a little Minx . Well , little Minx and Victoria , always usually Dolly and Porcelain . I've had the names for at least what ? Six years , yeah , wow , yeah , so I have been professionally and I say professionally I mean legally um , I always count my birthday as like when I started , because I actually I , oh my god , I remember when I turned 18 , I was so excited because I could legally be on adult work , which is the advertising platform which is well known in the UK , and I was so excited . I was like , yes , I can actually stay there , like be verified and everything , and I could have a report and all sorts . Oh , I was so happy , I really was .

Speaker 1 54:02

So I've been doing it for eight years is crazy and I do count that as in being in the community , because you can have a community when you are at

Reflections on Safety and Growth

Speaker 1 54:13

that age with people of the same age , which I did hang out with as well I'd like to make that point it wasn't just older people , I did have friends who were of that age as well . And , yeah , I wouldn't change it for the world , definitely wouldn't , because it's built me who I am . I mean , the only thing I would change is saving up for taxes and saving up for a house sooner that and , of course , increasing my prices , because I feel like the younger you are , um , the more you can increase , because you've got some people who go , oh , you're young and you're only going to be young for so long . So I can't wait to bang an 18 year old and I know that sounds really fucked , but it's not our fault , okay , it's not our fault . People get turned on and they can seek out services . It's not the provider's fault , dude . Okay , right .

Speaker 1 55:21

So I shall be at a film screening and I will be on a panel of other members from scotland for decrim um monday , the 1st of september in glasgow at the civic house . You can find this on their website and on their instagram of scotland for decrim and please , if you could , it would be lovely if you could donate to scotland for decrim so we can actually keep this going and keep this campaign for decriminalization of sex work going , because it's gonna struggle just a little bit because we don't get any funding or anything like that , because it's sex work . So that was like me going into sex work source etc . Learn more about my body . The age of 15 went full throttle into webcam phone chat . The age of 15 went full throttle into webcam phone chat pictures . Wherever I could make money I did it and I had . Well , I've still got that avatar , I've still got the account and I explored to the max . I really did and I think , if I'm not gonna say that , if I had a more educational upbringing or if it was less taboo , I wouldn't be in the sex industry . But I think it does help overall .

Speaker 1 56:56

If you are open to the conversations with your child or whoever you're looking after . You need that . It gives you a greater bond . And I'm not on about touching your kid in any inappropriate places . I'm on about you could just get a fucking image and like get them to like label it or just look at it . Like you don't straight up need to be like hey , look , this is my vagina , obviously with fucking consent , but like this is my vagina and like tell them this part . You don't need to like go into your vagina or anything like that . You can tell them where the clitoris is . You can help them understand that sex might hurt for the first time and you need to use lube . That is one fucking thing which I was never fucking told , and it hurt like a bitch and you need them to understand obviously not at the age of like six or something , but like you need them to understand that , like , foreplay is a thing and it doesn't just happen in the bedroom . Also , like with getting wet , I was never told how the fuck any of that works . And so my first time losing my virginity , it hurt like a bitch and I wasn't wet enough and I don't believe we used protection . But I was also on birth control and that's like another thing as well . My parents never taught me about birth control and what side effects there can be , and I've been on it for more than 10 years and now my body probably isn't going to go back to normal at any stage because I've been on it for so long , which really fucking sucks . So there needs to be a lot of education with a lot of things . But that's right .

Speaker 1 58:42

That's how I went and came into the industry . I was very much self-taught . I had clients who I would meet and they some wouldn't pay me all the money . Some didn't pay me at all . I remember , at the age of 17 , being blackmailed . That was not fun and these were grown-ass men and none of them asked for my ID . Yeah , that's very much my story on how I got into BDSM . Yeah , that's pretty much my story on how I got into BDSM Me just being neglected , basically Not given the right education , and wanting to explore what I can't have and what is taboo . So , yeah , I think that's about it . I feel like I've left out quite a bit of my experiences in the sex work industry , but that's the run-up of how it happened . I don't think I'm missing anything , but I feel like , even if I didn't have all that , I would still end up in the sex work industry

Closing Thoughts and Advocacy

Speaker 1 1:00:12

and I absolutely adore it .

Speaker 1 1:00:13

So , yeah , this has been this episode of Behind the Padder podcast . I really hope you've enjoyed it . I have talked for quite a while now actually less than an hour , while now actually less than an hour , which is very interesting , but I've tried to keep it short and not tear , jerky and less traumatic . But , yeah , I hope this has encouraged you to be more open with people , um , and be open with yourself as well , because I feel like . If you're not , then it'll just eat you up inside . If you want to go do a kink , if you want to go experience something , go do it . You don't live for very long , so you might as well have a fun time . As long as you're not harming anybody else , go do it , live your life , be happy and free . But yeah , if you've enjoyed this episode , please leave a like and please go review the podcast at spotify , apple , wherever you're listening . And we do have instagram , we do have x , but instagram is the main one that we use . But thank you very much for listening and goodbye .