Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Behind the Paddle Podcast with me Poulsen Victoria. I have been struggling to record podcast episodes, basically just because it's the summer holidays and, being autistic with ADHD traits, it's very hard when you don't have a schedule. It's very hard when you don't have a schedule because usually it's. You know, wake up, get everybody breakfast, take kids to school and then work and then pick it up and then make tea and, like you know, there is some schedule with that, is some schedule with that, but with just me being here because I've got a free week, there's nothing like there's no schedule. And it's crazy and I don't know if I like it or not probably not, let's be honest, but hopefully somebody can relate to this. I feel like it is quite relatable when there is just no schedule and like it's all up to yourself to make that schedule, and it's like oh, oh. So we did a poll on instagram where you know we could see what book everybody wanted to do. You know we could see what book everybody wanted to do and the one that a good majority of people picked was how to be you by Camilla Pang. So let's start, shall we, to be completely honest with you, working out where to start with.

Speaker 1: 1:44

Writing this book got me all tangled up when I first spoke with my lovely editor, amy, about the possibility of creating an actionable follow-up to my first book, unmasked. The ADHD novelty hit brackets, which I'm sure so many of you can relate to when starting a new project kicked in. We can read unmasked at some point. But you guys chose this one, so this is the second book. I felt excited, full of ideas and eager to share all the many techniques of figuring out how to work with your busy brain rather than against it that I've picked up along the way with the world. I wrote for my wonderful friend Leanne's book ADHD and A to Z. I shared that quote. Learning how to hack your ADHD and how to work with your brain rather than against it is absolutely life-changing, but none of it is rocket science. It a series of tiny changes, minute switches and small habits that all add together to make a huge amount of difference to your life.

Speaker 1: 3:14

Writing this follow-up guide was going to be my chance to pull all those things into one actionable resource. This would be super exciting, right, right? Well, it started out that way. On an initial call discussing the idea with my editor, I reeled off a whole array of possible tasks, worksheets, learnings and techniques which the book could include. My busy brain was whirling in the way it does best. I was oozing the creativity and enthusiasm which remain my very favorite parts of my interest-led, neurodivergent busy brain. Then and I'm sure this will be very familiar experience for so many of you reading this book I jumped off the call and did nothing.

Speaker 1: 4:15

As a novelty seeking ADHDer who professes to know quite a bit about her brain, I should probably recognize by now that if I'm not jumping headfirst into a new and exciting project, it's usually a sign that something is not quite right. But I pushed, but I pushed through the thought. But I pushed the thought away, smiled along and told my friends just how thrilled I was to be cooking up a new book idea, while doing absolutely nothing about it behind the scenes. It took until my next ADHD coaching session, a week later, when I mentioned that I'd been procrastinating about getting started, for me to identify what was really going on. After starting the coaching session, by brain dumping some of the ideas that I'd already shared with my editor, I quickly felt that familiar panicked and agitated feeling rising in my chest. I felt overwhelmed and stressed and, to be completely honest with you, I had to hold back tears. When my coach asked me exactly what it was about starting this ever so exciting project that felt so stressful, I said that it was the whole thing.

Speaker 1: 5:47

First, the fact that, as an autistic ADHDer, there are two constantly opposing sides of my brain that constantly demand entirely different things from me. One loves structure and routine. One can't stick to a schedule for the life of her. One thrives on repeated patterns. One needs novelty to stay interested. One needs to take things one step at a time. One wants to be doing a hundred different tasks all at once. One needs to prioritise rest. One needs to be stimulated at all times. If I myself have so many opposing and clashing needs, how could I possibly pull all off those together to create a journal or workbook that was useful to both sides of my brain, let alone useful to anybody else? How could I keep it exciting and novel enough for my ADHD brain while keeping it structured enough for my autistic brain too? Second, and leading on from this, I felt overwhelmed because trying to work out how to structure this guide confronted one really big thing that felt really tricky for me to admit and that came with a big old side order of the dreaded shame we all know so well. Side order of the dreaded shame we all know so well. I haven't ever figured any of this out myself.

Speaker 1: 7:30

Let me be clear I absolutely categorically do not have my shit together by any stretch of the imagination. Some days I'm frantically running around ticking a million things off my to-do list. Some days I am procrastinating until the very last minute. Some days I'm too overwhelmed to even get out of bed. Some days I'm chronically burnt out. Some days I achieve a million things in record time. Some days I achieve nothing at all.

Speaker 1: 8:08

The reason I don't have a journal or a method or a definitive answer as to how to work with a busy brain already is that I've never found one that works. Or even if I have, for a short stretch of time I've inevitably fallen off the horse. A week or so later I have a drawer full of desk planners and journals that I've been convinced will be the secret to finally getting me organised once and for all, but that now lie unused, with only a page or two ever written on. I have a home screen full of apps that promise to be the answer to all my problems, most of which were used for a fortnight at best. Over the last two years, I've shared hundreds of tips, tricks, routines and techniques for learning how to work with your neurodivergent brain rather than against it, but in reality, I've never actually figured it out myself.

Speaker 1: 9:17

This is quite an uncomfortable thing to admit, especially when, as someone who grew up undiagnosed, you tend to think of yourself as a quote fully capable and functional human being, and no matter how hard you try to accept your struggles, you are still full to the brim with a whole load of internalized ableism. It's difficult to be confronted with the fact that actually being an autistic ADHDer is pretty damn disabling. Being an autistic ADHDer is pretty damn disabling and that each and every day, it can feel like a slog to even to get even the simplest things done or to end the day without feeling absolutely frazzled. However, after a little step back, a few deep breaths and a couple of conversations with the people I trust the most, I came up with a solution. I realized that I just did not have the answer to a one-size-fits-all, full, fail-proof, definitive method of how to quote handle life as an autistic ADHDer. So there was no use desperately trying to dig one up from somewhere.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Even if I did find a life management strategy that felt like it ticked all the right boxes and was the answer, it was likely that the novelty would wear off soon enough when I tried to implement it myself, and that that would also be the case for so many of the busy brains that the book was designed to support in the first place. Rather than focusing on what I thought I should do, I needed to take a piece of my own advice and instead focus on doing what felt best for my brain and what would therefore suit the brains of other autistic ADHDers who might come to this book for support too, who might come to this book for support too. Rather than prescribing quote, the Ellie Middleton method for life, which, quite frankly, was non-existent I could instead share a whole range of tips, tricks and things to consider when working with a neurodivergent brain, which each reader could pick and choose from to find the combination which best worked for them. Then, whenever the time might come, when they inevitably found themselves veering off from the method of choice, they could come back, flick through and pick a new one. Flick through and pick a new one.

Speaker 1: 12:17

So that's what we have here a whole bunch of tips, some of which you might find useful and some of which you might not. You won't be able to implement them at the same time, but there are enough different ones to hopefully keep you engaged, productive and feeling good for a pretty decent period of time. The most important thing is that you approach the task of learning to work with your brain with curiosity. Remember that it is a challenge to be solved, a problem to be calculated and an experiment to be engaged in. There is no magic wand solution and there is no one-size-fits-all approach, but with trial and error you will find ways of working, living and being that better suit your brain. Another important thing that I'd like you to know, in case it wasn't clear from the minor breakdown I've just described that occurred when I was faced with this task, is this I get it. You might have come to terms with having the neurodivergent brain that you do, and you might feel committed to being your true self, unmasked self. But even if that is the case which I'm aware it isn't for many it is still incredibly tricky sometimes, however much, however much you're proud of who you are and however much you're thankful for finally getting some answers about how your brain works.

Speaker 1: 13:53

Living with a neurodivergent brain in a neurotypical world can be tough, as I shared in Unmasked, the first book. When you are diagnosed with a neurodivergent condition, whether that's by a medical professional or by researching and self-diagnosing, there is no handbook on what to do next. There is no guides, often no therapy and often no support to turn to After a medical diagnostic assessment. It's usually a case of hearing the words yes, you do in fact have XXX, and then leaving your assessment with little more than a cheery wave goodbye and a bucket full of questions and a mountain of unresolved trauma. There is a real lack of easy-to-digest, accessible or actionable resources out there for you to learn from, but hopefully this book will be the first step in changing that. Some of these tips might seem pretty simple, but sometimes it's the tiniest changes that can make the biggest difference.

Speaker 1: 15:15

I often say that my brain is like a toddler and I have to trick it into doing what I want it. If I give my toddler brain a little bit of what it wants, it will hopefully give me a little bit of what I want in return. If my brain wants to be a stubborn toddler, I will happily be an even more stubborn parent, and if that means playing games, roleplaying or even giving out sweeties as rewards, then so be it. It's also incredibly important to remember that a lot of the things that we shame ourselves for and standards that we get hung up on are actually just a big old pile of rubbish. We live in a western society that is incredibly neuro-normative, meaning that we tend to take neurotypical ways of being, meaning that we tend to take neurotypical ways of being working and functioning as quote the norm and think that every other way is quote wrong or bad. But these neuro-normative standards can trick us into believing it is to be true and therefore shaming ourselves, holding ourselves to unrealistic standards or doing things a certain way because we feel like we should, rather than for any actual useful reason.

Speaker 1: 16:43

We'll dig into this a little bit more before we get into the chapters themselves, as it's something very important to have in mind, but I wanted to make it clear right from the get go that this isn't going to be a book of hacks, of quote how to appear to be neurotypical when you're actually neurodivergent, or quote how to girl boss your way out of ADHD, because that is never going to be something that I advocate for I really hope that over the following pages, you'll find some tips and tricks which will help you work out your busy brain rather than against it, and to get stuff done while being a happy and healthy human. I also hope that you will feel reminded that there is no moral value to productivity and that you're allowed to be a human being sometimes, instead of always, feeling like a human doing. I really want this to be a book that helps you find ways of navigating the world more easily but, more importantly, of doing it in a way that suits you. I hope that throughout the book, you'll find tips and tricks that will help you to be a fuller, truer version of yourself, so you can be you. Good luck, take it slow and steady, and remember that we're all doing this together. A big part of figuring out your neurodivergence is simply learning to work with your brain rather than against it, and letting go of all the shoulds. We've been told about how we should behave, should function, should do things and should feel.

Speaker 1: 18:37

One of my very favorite paragraphs from unmasked, which I think is just as important to remember while reading this book, is the following quote if you can learn how to work with your brain rather than against it, discover who you really are under the mask that you have learnt to carry throughout your whole life, and work towards accepting and maybe even loving the real you. It really is possible to find a happiness that has always felt just out of reach. I say this because I know it's true. I never thought that the level of joy, acceptance for myself and success, whatever that means, that I experience today was something that would ever be able to me. And yet here I am See you on the other side, how to use this book and what to expect.

Speaker 1: 19:36

Before we get started, I think it's important to remind you that this book is designed to help support you and make your life easier, not to make it trickier or to shame you into feeling inadequate. Although I'll be sharing tips which will hopefully teach you how to work with your brain rather than against it, that doesn't mean that I'm expecting you to finish reading this book. We will. We will finish the book, magically adopt every single tool, skill and strategy and suddenly become an uber organized hashtag girl, boss, productivity queen. This book is not designed to teach you how to mask, how to make the struggles associated with your neurodivergence quote disappear, or how to function like a neurotypical person. It's designed to help you find strategies for working with your brain, to do the things that matter and to let go of the things that don't. With that said, I want you to remove any pressure you might be putting on yourself to read this book all in one go, or in the right order, or to immediately adopt and implement every single tip as you read it.

Speaker 1: 20:59

If you read my first book Unmasked, you might recognize the way that we've structured this second book too. Each chapter can stand alone, so if you're just looking for a particular something right now, you can jump straight to it, and this will still all make sense. Everything will be bite-sized and digestible, written by a for whizzy brains. There is absolutely no pressure whatsoever to read this book in any specific way. What matters is that you use it as a tool to support you. So if you want to read the whole thing from start to finish, that's fine. If you want to focus on one chapter at a time, go ahead. If it all feels a little bit overwhelming and you want to read one tip, close the book and not come back until the habit is formed, that's perfectly okay. In short, this book is designed to help you work through any overwhelm, not to add to it. So please know that it is okay to take your time and use it in whichever way feels most helpful to you.

Speaker 1: 22:12

Now that we've got those expectations out the way, I think it makes sense to start by explaining how I've chosen to structure this book and why I thought that might be helpful. As I've already mentioned, my aim with this is to share a whole range of tips, tricks and things to consider when working with a neurodivergent brain tips, tricks and things to consider when working with a neurodivergent brain. You won't be able to implement them all at once. However, you can flick through, take the bits that feel like they may be useful, discard the bits that don't, and come back and add more to your repertoire as and when you feel like it might be helpful. It's essentially a pick and mix of things to consider which might make your life a bit easier, or maybe even something a bit more like blockbuster you can borrow a tip or dvd while it helps you and then bring it back for a short while later to exchange it for another. I've decided to structure the tips, tricks and strategies around the eight executive functioning skills that we all have. This is because a considerable part of ADHD, autism and many other neurodivergences is a difference, not defect, in these executive functioning skills.

Speaker 1: 23:39

Executive functioning skills as described by harvard university are quote the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions and juggle multiple tasks successfully. In the same way that an air traffic control system at a busy airport safely manages the arrival and departure of many aircraft across multiple runways, the brain needs our executive functions to filter distractions, prioritize tasks, set and achieve goals and control our impulses. The executive functions are working memory, the ability to hold and manipulate information for short-term use. Self-monitoring, the ability to observe and evaluate your own thoughts, behaviors and actions. Inhibition, impulse control the ability to resist impulsive urges and hold back from inappropriate or disruptive behaviors. Emotional regulation the ability to recognize, understand and effectively manage your emotions and reactions to different situations. Flexibility the ability to adapt and adjust to changing circumstances, perspectives or demands. Planning and prioritization, the ability to create a symptomatic approach to achieving goals, including breaking tasks into steps and determining their relative importance. Task initiation the ability to independently begin a task or activity without procrastination or hesitation. Organization the ability to structure and arrange information, materials or physical spaces.

Speaker 1: 25:47

As you may already know, the word neurodivergent first coined by Kassian Asasumasu in 2000, in an umbrella term which includes innate and genetic conditions, including ADHD and autism, as well as acquired or developed conditions. Since anyone who functions in a way that diverges from dominant societal norms, standards and expectations falls under the neurodivergent umbrella, it makes sense that our executive functions would be a big part of what causes us to diverge and therefore informs our identity of being neurodivergent. If the way that you think, learn, behave, communicate, process information or feel emotions diverges from societal norms, you are neurodivergent and our executive functioning skills play a big part in what causes us to think, learn, behave, communicate, process information and feel emotions in those divergent ways. It's also important to point out here that this definition of neurodivergent anyone who thinks, learns, behaves, communicates, processes, information or feels emotions differently from societal norms is the one that stands true throughout this book, although I will often talk about ADHD and autism, because that is the frame of reference that I have personally. When I say neurodivergent, I don't just mean autistic people or ADHDers. If you have to come to this book because the normal ways of working and being don't work for you, then the label of neurodivergent is yours to claim. If you think, learn, behave, communicate, process information or feel emotions differently from most people, then you are neurodivergent.

Speaker 1: 28:11

Regardless of whether you have a specific diagnosis or not, executive functioning skills are impacted in people with many different neurodivergences. Studies indicate that people with ADHD have approximately a 30% delay in the development of their executive functions and that adults with ADHD tend to only develop approximately 75% to 80% of the executive function capability of their peers, which are usually fully developed by the age of 30. Additionally, according to the NHS, some research suggests that up to 80% of those with autism suffer from executive function disorder, leading to difficulties managing time, completing tasks and making what might be thought of as simple tasks like cleaning your room very complicated and seemingly impossible. The use of the word quote word quote disorder here feels a little icky to me. However, the sentiment stands that adhders, autistic people and a whole range of other neurodivergent folks can find getting stuff done exponentially difficult.

Speaker 1: 29:35

For each of the eight executive functions and therefore the eight main chapters of this book, I have started out with a clear and simple instruction that will tell you what to expect. Over the following pages, share two key quotes for you to remember. Feel free to rip these out and stick them somewhere in plain sight or snap a picture to keep as your phone wallpaper. If anybody needs that, just tell me. Follow this with a longer section digging deeper into what that executive function is, the ways it might impact our lives and the things that might make it tricky for neurodivergent people, and the structures and symptoms that have informed or impacted the ways we think and that executive function in our society.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I've then shared a quick fire list of accommodations, reasonable adjustments or things to ask for which might help to support neurodivergent brains. After the quick fire list, there are five more in-depth strategies. After the quickfire list, there are 5 more in depth strategies, tools, worksheets or methods which you might want to consider to equip you to work with your brain rather than against it. As a reminder, you won't be able to and aren't expected to attempt to implement all these tips at the same time. They are there as more of a pick, a mix, for you to choose the strategies that might feel helpful and leave the others behind for another time. Finally, I've condensed the chapter down into a little recap section and shared some final takeaways for you to consider.

Speaker 1: 31:35

Hopefully, this structure will feel bite-sized and actionable and leave you walking away with lots of things to consider and think about without feeling overwhelmed or pressured in any way to implement the changes into your life. As well as making you think about the ways that you support and accommodate your own brain, I hope you will walk away questioning how our society currently functions. Perhaps, like me, you will also realise that many of the neuro-normative systems and rules that we feel pressured to follow aren't actually effective or or helpful or necessary to carry forward. Hopefully, you will be able to let go of any shame that you might have felt in the past about the way that you have or haven't been able to function, think, learn, believe and process and finally be more you. What defines our view of executive functioning?

Speaker 1: 32:40

In the introduction, I briefly touched on the shame that we might have been made to feel for the way that our brains work. To follow on from this, I think it's essential that, before getting into any of the specific executive functioning skills or arming ourselves with ways to better accommodate our brains, we take some time to set the scene regarding the history and culture that have led us to think of executive functions in the way that we do, many of the ways that our executive functioning skills are framed and many of the standards we get hung up on and therefore things we might shame ourselves for, are, for want of a better word, a made-up pile of rubbish. The right way of doing things or of being is a social construct defined by the systems and biases that inform almost every aspect of our society, including white supremacy, patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism, ableism. These symptoms of oppression, I'm sure you will agree, are each incredibly meaty, complicated and nuanced topics which individually, would require multiple books to properly do them justice. I obviously do not have the space to do that here, and I am also very aware of the fact that, as a white, british, cisgender, economically privileged woman, I am probably not the best person to speak on each of these systems of oppression, as many of them I will have benefited from hugely throughout the course of my life. However, I believe that in order to unlearn the shoulds that society has enforced on us our entire lives, to allow ourselves to have the space to do things differently and to let go of shame, we must have a basic understanding of each of these systems of oppression. The following pages should start to give you a fundamental understanding of these, which will be helpful to bear in mind while we explore the eight executive functioning skills throughout the rest of the book. However, I urge you to go on to do further reading, listening, learning and questioning about each of these subjects, and especially to listen to those whose intersecting identities of race, gender, sexuality and disability mean that they are marginalized by multiple systems of oppression.

Speaker 1: 35:36

In this chapter, we will explore which systems of oppression have impacted the way we think about executive functioning. How do these systems define what is considered quote normal versus disordered? What can we do to begin to resist the systems of oppression and exist in a way that feels true to us? To begin to let go of shame, we must have a basic understanding of the symptoms of oppression that inform the hierarchy, rules, expectations and demands of western society. We fear not being good enough, not being accepted, not belonging and not doing things right. All righty, that is the first 23 pages of the book. Oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna try and do a chapter at a time, but we shall see. We shall see how long that takes me. As long as it's under an hour per chapter, that's good, but we'll see. We'll see. I cannot wait to continue reading this book and thank you to anybody who is excited to read and learn and is listening right now. Thank you very much. So this is where we're going to end it.

Speaker 1: 37:06

This has been behind the pad podcast. Me, paulson, victoria, if you could give us a like on Spotify, maybe five stars. You never know. Spotify, apple, wherever else you are listening. And thank you very, very much. This has been Pawsome Victoria at Behind the Pad podcast. You have a wonderful week. Bye.